MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND

Over Memorial Day weekend, while most of my friends in NYC were out partying, getting wasted and lying on the beach, I was back home in AZ visting my family and staying with my parents. I have to say as awful as that sounds, it was actually a refreshing visit for once!

Usually a trip back home is always dreaded, with a sense of foreboding of a disastrous weekend in the making! I mean I take vacation time off from work and I dont even get to go on vacation!My ideal vacation would be just to relax by the pool all day and read books. I have to go back home! Thats not a vacation, thats torture!

When I get there usually its for a special occassion, and ALL of my family is visiting! Since my parents have a full house I am normally forced to sleep on the floor, fight over the bathroom, clean up, chauffer everyone around, cook my uncles breakfast and keep my luggage in the laundry room, where my grandmother (who also lives there) god bless her soul, washes every piece of clothing I brought everyday cus she assumes theyre dirty since theyre there. Not to mention my crazy mother,who I dubbed "the master delegator", likes to make little lists of things I can do for her while she's at work, like: clean the bathroom, or go groccery shopping for her, ect. And then when she's home she cant stand to see me reading a book, or watching TV so she constantly is looking for stuff for me to do. What kinda vacation is that! I mean it would be one thing if I lived there but IM ON VACATION TOO!!

But since I decided 6 years ago to move 3000 miles away from my family I made a promise to them that I would return to visit twice a year, once for xmas and once during the summer.

In preparation to this trip home I had decided to lay down some ground rules for my family:

rule #1: I am not sleeping on the floor. If you dont have room for me then I will go stay with a friend. Im 25 years old for gods sake Im not a child anymore (I waited 25 years to be able to say that)! I can rent a hotel!!

rule#2: I dont cook unless I feel like cooking. It is not my responsibility to make sure a bunch of adults have eaten 3 times a day! There are reasons I dont have kids and rule # 2 is one of them. They all have arms and legs and know how to use a friggin toaster oven! If I cook I do it out of love, not because my mother says shes gonna kick my ass if I dont.

rule# 3: I will only make one and I repeat one trip to the groccery store a day. Do not send me out for milk and Rice, and then 20 minutes later send me back out to get sazon, and then a half an hour later realize we need ice and send me back out! Get it together people! Make a list.

and finally....

rule #4: There will be no talk about why am I not married, and when am I going to have kids. I get enuff of that on a daily basis from work I dont need to here it on my "vacation"

And I actually had a really good trip!!! It was kinda fun with my brother and me being back in my mom and dads house, and we even got to spend some good quality time together.

Now I realize how much I miss Arizona......

Bad Car Karma

AN ODE TO MY BAD CAR KARMA

So my car gave up on me the other day. She just completely stopped in the middle of an intersection and tapped out. Oh Sheila (that's what I call my 96 pontiac sunfire..dont hate) how could you throw in the towel after all we've been through! It hasn't even been a year! Since I've lived in New york it is my 5th car. That's 5 cars in 5 years. Now I know what that sounds like, it sounds like I am either A) an irresponsible crazy driver that probably totals all her cars or B) an irresponsible crazy driver who doesn't take care of her cars, but seriously the truth is that i have really bad luck with cars. After numerous amounts of my cars breaking down on me, getting totaled, or getting stolen I have chalked this all up to "bad car karma". If you dont believe me then please review my complete history of my bad car karma for you to make your own assessment as to why i cannot keep a car:

2003: I owned a 2002 Dodge intrepid. I had it for 6 months before it was stolen out of the parking lot of my job (which so happened to be the police chiefs headquarters) in broad day light while I was working. I was probably the happiest person to have their car stolen because it was insured for more then I owed on it, but as bad car karma goes, they found the car 1 day before the time limit was up for them to cut me a check and consider it gone.

2004: I owned a 2003 Pontiac grand prix. I had it for a little over a year when it was "stolen" and driven to Mexico but recovered less then a week later with the micro chipped key in the ignition which led our insurance company to claim it was a botched "insurance job" and denied our claim for necessary repairs.

2005: I owned a 1996 pontiac sunfire (red). After having the car for less then a year I awoke one morning to find half of my car missing. A garbage truck had side swiped it overnight while i was sleeping and totaled it. I mean literally half of the car was gone.

2006: I owned a 1996 Neon also for less then 6 months, which my cousin totaled in front of my apartment building when he was backing it out into oncoming traffic without paying attention (and also without my permission).

2006: I owned a 1998 Kia which the same cousin got impounded the same week I just bought it because he decided that he was gonna take it out for a test drive and get pulled over while I was sleeping. Before I had even registered the car. Or insured the car. And once again without my permission (I left the car in the impound)

2007: I owned a 1996 Pontiac firebird which we called the "death box" it sounded like an airplane every time I drove it and it shook like crazy if i went over 30 miles. Eventually it began over heating so bad that we had to carry a gallon of water in my car and every stop we made we had to refill the water pump. 3 months and $700 later there was no hope and I had to junk her.

And now I own another 1996 Pontiac sunfire. So far I have owned the car for less then a year and have had the passenger window shattered and radio stolen, not once, not twice, not three times...oh no ladies and gentelman but 6 times. Thats right I have been through six radios and windows in less then a year (God i luv the bronx) and no it wasnt personal cus all the cars surrounding mine were broken into too. Seriously the last time i had a $50 radio that didnt even work! I felt like leaving a sign on my window: "door is unlocked help yourself....please dont break window! Costs more then radio!"

But Im not lettin this car go without a fight. Im gonna fight my bad car karma! I dont know how though.....anyone have any suggestions? Maybe I should buy a motorcycle instead?

My job is way to close to Bronx State!!!

So last night I'm waitressing at my second job and it is dead dead dead. Im workin the counter, cause the counter guy called out "sick" which more then likely means he went to the beach and got drunk all day and was too hungover to drag his butt into work. I wasnt complaining though cause I make more money at the counter anyway but for some reason every crazy person in the Bronx managed to make it to my counter last night! First I get an old man who sits down and the first thing he asks me is "hows the canteloupe". So I tell him its not in season so it sucks (hey Im honest with my customers) So then he asks me if he can try the canteloupe before he buys one to eat. So I say, "um no.... this isnt baskin robbins theres no taste testing. if I cut the melon open I cant resell it." so hes like "but what if i dont like it! Im the customer Im supposed to get what I want!" Im like wtf? This isnt Burger King and you cant always have it your way, so he curses and walks out screamin sumthin about callin the news on me?? OK buddy. Then this lady comes in with her wig on backwards, eyeliner drawn on all the way back to her earlobes and a cat hair sweartshirt..... sexy mama. She orders 12 iced coffees to go. Seriously? Then she pays with a credit card that gets declined and guess what? Im stuck with 12 iced coffees to go. Next in is Toby, the local loon who walks around in bright red or neon green suits talking to himself and making wild claims like he toured with the beetles and he manages Tom Jones. He takes his usual seat at the counter orders a shake and sits for hours claiming hes a millionaire and then doesnt leave a tip. He was actually the most normal thing about last night since he is a usual fixture of crazy in the restaurant. Then I get a group of junkies in, that want to split a glass of wine. Followed by another junkie who would like a glass of wine to go. After I inform her that we dont serve alcohol to go she orders one to stay and five minutes later asks me for a togo cup with ice. Um not gonna happen lady I was born on a Tuesday not last Tuesday. After another threat of calling the "news" on me and a string of curses not only from her end but by my end too I throw her out. Now I am not in the mood to deal with people anymore. I am in a bad mood and "rico suave" decides to walk in. After sitting at the counter and ordering a BLT with water he decides to strike up a conversation with me but I am not in the mood for people at this point so it is basically a one sided conversation. After telling me his life story and asking me three times if I was sure I wasnt Puerto Rican he asks me for my number. I politely decline, but having hurt his ego he asks me "what do u like girls or sumthin?" This night just keeps getting better. A few more nasty remarks from my end and he leaves without leaving me a tip of course. A fussy woman comes in right afterwards who doesnt know what she wants to eat she just cant decide. I hand her the menu and she asks me about every freakin thing on on it. Then she's like "what do you suggest?" I suggest a salad but she cant eat lettuce. I suggest a burger but she doesnt eat meat. I suggest the veggie wrap but she does like the vegetables in it. pancakes? too starchy. Eggs? She doesnt like dairy. I suggest soup but she cant have salt. "I dont know what to tell you then, maybe you can have a stick of celery" I conclude. She gives me a dirty look and sits at the counter looking at the menu for another 25 minutes befored deciding shes not really hungry and leaves. And finally, the one that topped the night. Another drunk guy (maybe so many drunks come in cause we're across the street from a bar?) comes in orders a grilled cheese and then screams at me on top of his lungs that I was incompetent because i did not give him a fork and knife to eat his sandwich with. Really? Then after a nice little 15 minute nap in his plate ho woke up with a shock and started yelling that i stole his umbrella. Mind you it was bright and sunny all day and he didnt even come in with an umbrella. Since he could barely sit up on his stool I suggested he look on the floor for it (hee hee hee) and as he looked down he completely fell off the stool in a drunk stupor and landed on his face lol. Then I guess getting back up was too big of a hassle for him at the moment so he fell back asleep on the floor until the cops came in to escort him out. After last night I have concluded that there is way too much drinkin goin on in New york on a Wednesday night. Either that or maybe I should START drinkin.

When did 24 become old??!!

Can someone please tell me at what age should your biological clock start ticking? I am 24, I am still single, I dont have any kids yet and I have always been totally fine with this. I've always assumed I was going at the right pace. I figured I can date around and have fun in my 20's while trying to figure out what I want to do in life, and then at like 30 I would worry about settling down and starting a family. Thirty sounded like a good age to me, but for some reason this week I have run into several incidents that have caused that little biological clock (the one I hadn't even put batteries in yet) to start ticking away.

Starting with Monday night at my waitressing job I got a surprise visit from Tommy, an old customer who was also an old flame. No biggie though, cause we left everything off on pretty good terms, and I was actually excited to see him since its been about 2 years. As I was refilling his coffee and he was telling me all about his pregnant fiancee, new co-op, and mitsubishi eclipse, I still felt totally comfortable with my life. The clock still remained hollow and not ticking. Then after I told him how happy I was for him, a concerned look crossed his face, and he blurted out " I really thought that you would have found someone to settle down with by now, I mean dont you ever want to have kids?" OUCH! And just like that the batteries were in the clock.

But the clock wasnt wound yet, it wasnt set or anything. I mean I wasnt going to take to heart one comment from one person who obviously was ready to start the family life at his age. That was his choice, me...I'm just not ready. So the clock got some batteries but still it wasnt wound, not until later this week I went to get my car an oil change down the street at the gas station. There was this really attractive, attentive, young mechanic working on my car. He was so helpful giving me car advice, and he even went the extra mile to changing the fuses for me so my horn and fog lights would finally work. He appeared to be in his early or mid 20's, and he and another mechanic were talkin me up for a while, as he worked on my car. Now, the other mechanic was hitting on me every few minutes, but I kindly shot him down since I was more interested in the younger one. Besides, he was more my age. When he was all done he refused my money I tried to give him for changing my fuses and asked me my name. I foolishly started thinking that maybe he was going to ask me on a date. I told him my name and then he asked how old I was. But for some reason after I said that I was 24 he made a face!! Not a hey we're close to the same age face but a wow i didnt realize you were that old face!! That was it! No date invitation, no phone number exchange, just a face and then a smile, and a "make sure you have someone look at those brakes" and then I ducked in my car, and started winding up that clock! Was 24 too old for him? He looked like he couldnt be less the 22, 23? Maybe he only dated 18 yr olds! Loser. WHEN DID 24 BECOME OLD!

So the clock had been only half way wound but the other half was wound another day at my job when one of my managers, an old Greek man named Gus, decided to sit down with me as I ate my one free meal a day and have a "heart to heart" which turned into an interrogation and was followed by a trial with my love life on the stand. "You need to start taking your life more seriously. Find someone to spend the rest of your life with, not just to pass the time. Dont you ever want to have babies! You're never going to get married if you dont start taking people more seriously" Huh? I mean I know I have a reputation of being maybe a flirt at the most but it wasnt like I dated a different guy every week. I just dont have a steady boyfriend! So after he yelled at me about having babies some more and finished winding that clock up for me I lashed out at him and got back to work. Throwing my half eaten free meal in the garbage, I felt all wound up but was grateful to not hear ticking yet.

Then, last night my mother called from AZ to see how things were and relay the good news that my 20 year old cousin and his pregnant girlfriend finally had the baby! Aww....how wonderful I thought to myself sarcastically. I mean its not that I wasnt happy for them but I felt a little sorry for the girlfriend. I had seen too many of my friends have babies young in life and then complain about how they couldnt do anything anymore they had no money and no life ect. This is the whole reason that I wanted to wait until I was 30, so I could live my life first. After small talk I broke down and told my mom about the few incidents this week and asked her if she thought I was overreacting. Now, what I had hoped to get was a little cheering up. I hoped my mom was going to tell me that I was overreacting, and of course I'm not running out of time I was only 24 I had plenty of time to worry about marriage and kids. That my manager was just an old school, old fart who comes from the old country where they got married at like 12 or something. That the mechanic at the gas station might have been making a face about something else maybe I just read it wrong, and that Tommy always wanted to have kids and get married even back when we were dating at the age of 19 so of course he was gonna marry and knock up the first willing girl! But I forgot that i was talking to my mom. The mom who's been begging for grandkids since i was 16! This was her response, "Well people are probably telling you these things for a reason. Of course you need to be in a serious relationship now. I mean your not getting any younger. Your not a kid anymore you know, its better you find someone now cause in a few years when your ass grows to the size of a macy's day balloon, and you get gray hair, who's gonna want you then. And me and your father are not getting any younger you know? We would at least like to be young enough to enjoy our grandkids!" tick, tick, tick, tick. Thanx mom.

So I made a deal with my mom, if by the age of 30 I still haven't settled down and found someone to produce her a grandchild with, I will go to plan B. Plan B being that I will randomly have a one night stand and get knocked up by the best candidate I could find, with the best genetic possibilities, and drop off her grandchild at her doorstep. Me being her cynical, sarcastic daughter made this proposal, and her being my irrational, crazy mother actually accepted the proposal with the response of "Ok well if thats the only way I'll get one then it sounds good to me." tick tick tick You gotta love her.

A little bit about me

I am a 20 something single female living in the Bronx NY. I was born in the Bronx but raised in AZ.I decided at 19 to move back to NY to find "my scene". Since I've been here I have waitressed and bartended in several restaurants in the city(including mars2112 a kids restaurant where i had to dress like an alien), worked a tourist attraction in the empire state building, was a secretary at a concrete plant, was a makeup artist for adult films, worked as a masseuse, cut hair, and even ran the phones for a few weeks for an escort service. I have befriended pimps, politicians, actors, photographers, gangsters, wiseguys, wannabes, law enforcers, realtors,escorts, business owners, writers, swingers, pornstars, repeated felons, detectives, and dancers and yet I still havent found MY scene. Still looking for my niche in life and still looking for that one to share it with. So in the meantime I currently rent a studio apt with my cat Bella and work 2 jobs as a property manager and a waitress until I "find my stars" This blog is just for me to vent, talk, share opinions and maybe even entertain, and practice my writing skills. I am not open to rude, derrogatory crtiticism so if u have any then go somewhere else with that, no one forced you to read my blog. I am open to friendly creative criticism, though so please if you get through my blog without falling asleep feel free to leave some.