My job is way to close to Bronx State!!!

So last night I'm waitressing at my second job and it is dead dead dead. Im workin the counter, cause the counter guy called out "sick" which more then likely means he went to the beach and got drunk all day and was too hungover to drag his butt into work. I wasnt complaining though cause I make more money at the counter anyway but for some reason every crazy person in the Bronx managed to make it to my counter last night! First I get an old man who sits down and the first thing he asks me is "hows the canteloupe". So I tell him its not in season so it sucks (hey Im honest with my customers) So then he asks me if he can try the canteloupe before he buys one to eat. So I say, "um no.... this isnt baskin robbins theres no taste testing. if I cut the melon open I cant resell it." so hes like "but what if i dont like it! Im the customer Im supposed to get what I want!" Im like wtf? This isnt Burger King and you cant always have it your way, so he curses and walks out screamin sumthin about callin the news on me?? OK buddy. Then this lady comes in with her wig on backwards, eyeliner drawn on all the way back to her earlobes and a cat hair sweartshirt..... sexy mama. She orders 12 iced coffees to go. Seriously? Then she pays with a credit card that gets declined and guess what? Im stuck with 12 iced coffees to go. Next in is Toby, the local loon who walks around in bright red or neon green suits talking to himself and making wild claims like he toured with the beetles and he manages Tom Jones. He takes his usual seat at the counter orders a shake and sits for hours claiming hes a millionaire and then doesnt leave a tip. He was actually the most normal thing about last night since he is a usual fixture of crazy in the restaurant. Then I get a group of junkies in, that want to split a glass of wine. Followed by another junkie who would like a glass of wine to go. After I inform her that we dont serve alcohol to go she orders one to stay and five minutes later asks me for a togo cup with ice. Um not gonna happen lady I was born on a Tuesday not last Tuesday. After another threat of calling the "news" on me and a string of curses not only from her end but by my end too I throw her out. Now I am not in the mood to deal with people anymore. I am in a bad mood and "rico suave" decides to walk in. After sitting at the counter and ordering a BLT with water he decides to strike up a conversation with me but I am not in the mood for people at this point so it is basically a one sided conversation. After telling me his life story and asking me three times if I was sure I wasnt Puerto Rican he asks me for my number. I politely decline, but having hurt his ego he asks me "what do u like girls or sumthin?" This night just keeps getting better. A few more nasty remarks from my end and he leaves without leaving me a tip of course. A fussy woman comes in right afterwards who doesnt know what she wants to eat she just cant decide. I hand her the menu and she asks me about every freakin thing on on it. Then she's like "what do you suggest?" I suggest a salad but she cant eat lettuce. I suggest a burger but she doesnt eat meat. I suggest the veggie wrap but she does like the vegetables in it. pancakes? too starchy. Eggs? She doesnt like dairy. I suggest soup but she cant have salt. "I dont know what to tell you then, maybe you can have a stick of celery" I conclude. She gives me a dirty look and sits at the counter looking at the menu for another 25 minutes befored deciding shes not really hungry and leaves. And finally, the one that topped the night. Another drunk guy (maybe so many drunks come in cause we're across the street from a bar?) comes in orders a grilled cheese and then screams at me on top of his lungs that I was incompetent because i did not give him a fork and knife to eat his sandwich with. Really? Then after a nice little 15 minute nap in his plate ho woke up with a shock and started yelling that i stole his umbrella. Mind you it was bright and sunny all day and he didnt even come in with an umbrella. Since he could barely sit up on his stool I suggested he look on the floor for it (hee hee hee) and as he looked down he completely fell off the stool in a drunk stupor and landed on his face lol. Then I guess getting back up was too big of a hassle for him at the moment so he fell back asleep on the floor until the cops came in to escort him out. After last night I have concluded that there is way too much drinkin goin on in New york on a Wednesday night. Either that or maybe I should START drinkin.